The Male Health Center

Male Myths

Six things men think they know about sex that stop them from enjoying it
Good sex. Everyone seems to want it, but far too many can't seem to find it. What goes wrong? In a nutshell, the problem is performance.

We live in a culture that constantly reminds us of sex but forbids talking about it. Boys grow into men with media-supplied images of what sex is all about. The message is that good sex is a performance. If you're not of star-quality—10 pounds under weight with bulging muscles, a bushy head of hair, a firm jaw, and piercing eyes—you can't have good sex.

Think about it, though, and you know it's not true. In fact, Hollywood reports suggest that these qualities are more likely to lead to spouse abuse, divorce, alcohol and drug problems, and other behaviors that do anything but enhance sex.

Look at some of the myths that have developed about sex as a result of the commercialization of it:

Myth 1; A Man Should Always Be Ready for Sex.
In fact, men are just people—people who, like women, get tired, have rough days, or just aren't interested.

Myth 2: A Man Should Satisfy a Woman.
Not so. Men don't give women pleasure; women have pleasure with men who have pleasure. Caring that your partner enjoys sex is important, but it's a game two people play.

Myth 3: Sex Is Centered on Genitals and What You Do with Them.
Actually, good sex is sharing and that includes the other 98 percent of your body—and especially your brain.

Myth 4: Good Sex is Spontaneous and Nonverbal.
Only in on the silver screen. Planning can add anticipation and increase the likelihood that it will actually happen. Communication is the core of a good relationship and good sex.

Myth 5: A Real Man Doesn't Express His Feelings.
In truth, if you can't express your feelings, you can't have more than biological sex.

Myth 6: Real Men Don't Have Sexual Problems.
On the contrary, nearly everyone does at one time or another, and admitting it won't make you less masculine or desirable. It will make you human—a most attractive characteristic.

Good sex is not a performance. But by the same token, it's not a given. As my friend Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld says in his book The New Male Sexuality, "...good relationships and good sex require [giving up] a number of harmful notions [and adopting] ideas that [are] more realistic and constructive." The myths above are a good place to start.

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